She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
