We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think your dad took our porno
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
