I wanna passion pit in your ass
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
