I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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