I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
