dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
