I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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