Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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