we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This is the high leading the old right now
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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