fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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