I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
