I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
