I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
