I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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