I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
