I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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