I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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