i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
