he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
