i think my mom watched the whole time
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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