drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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