one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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