the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
there is glitter all over my balls
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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