lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
FUCK WHALES
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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