when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You were trust falling into bushes
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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