I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
