If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
