I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
