Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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