if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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