the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
