did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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