bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
