just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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