i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
