Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
