I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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