She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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