Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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