oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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