Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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