Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
