We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
