i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
