Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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