no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
