I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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