she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
