its not stalking. its research.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
