i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
