I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
