Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
