hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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