and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't deserve a penis
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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